The Underwater Therapist

Thoughts don’t Create Safety.

Safety isn’t a cognitive exercise. Safety is a nervous system experience. If you have experienced trauma in your past and continue to experience dysregulation, you can’t think your way into safety–or relaxation.

My name is Elaine and I am a therapist specializing in trauma-informed treatment, and I am also a freedive instructor. In this post, I am going to share my go-to phrases that are an invitation for connection rather than a command that creates disconnection.

But, here is an explanation why in a trauma-informed freediving approach safety matters.

Deficits in feeling safe lends itself to both physical and behavioral challenges that arise, usually at the worst possible time for folks, and when faced with a nervous system recognition of danger.

This means we might have unintentional reactions to stress during freediving. The way we choose to frame our internal reactions and how others view our presented body state might not always match up. Just like one man’s trash is another’s treasure. Your state of relaxation cannot be mine.

In trauma-informed freediving, we prioritize using language that invites curiosity and exploration rather than judgment. This approach encourages us to notice, sense, and allows a diverse range of experiences in the dive space, giving permission for those experiences to exist without pressure to change them.

The Impact of "Just Relax" or "Calm Down"

Phrases like “just relax” or “calm down”, especially for individuals with trauma histories, are irritating and triggering for some folks. As a freedive instructor, I have faced challenges with using language that matches what I am observing in folks. Because of my work in mental health as a clinician, I am fortunate to have alternatives to telling or commanding folks to “just relax”. I am going to share my go-to phrases with you. For some, these terms reflect an imbalance of power or have the potential to bring up negative physiological memories.

While often used with good intentions, these phrases can trivialize a person’s emotional state and may worsen the situation. We may say them to reduce our own discomfort or frustration in the moment because we can’t make anyone feel anything, and they place the responsibility on the other person, implying they are failing to regulate their emotions. It can be an assumption, as though you are the true expert on their state. It also lets you off the hook, right?

In trauma-informed spaces, we recognize that saying “should,” “need to,” or “have to” minimizes someone’s feelings and experiences. These statements imply that the speaker holds the final authority in the situation, overlooking the expertise that each person holds over their own state. In trauma-informed freediving, the student is the expert of their own body and emotions.

Vigilance and Homeostasis in Trauma Responses

For many trauma survivors, remaining in a state of low vigilance is a protective factor that helps maintain their version of homeostasis. Homeostasis, in this context, is subjective and based on past experiences. The nervous system's primary goal is survival, and sometimes this means staying in a mobilized state rather than “relaxing” in the ocean in open water with new people. Does that seem like a lot to ask and not expect someone to be on alert? Asking someone with trauma to "just relax" can overlook the fact that moments of relaxation may have been when past traumas occurred.

On the other hand, some individuals may be so down regulated that they are disconnected from their bodies. These different responses underscore the importance of recognizing each person's unique experience without assuming that relaxation is the goal.

A safe, efficient, satisfying dive is perhaps the goal? In these moments, the person is already hyper focused and attuned to their nervous system state and knows exactly the tension they feel, they sense their heart and breath rate almost painfully.

Leveling the Playing Field

In trauma-informed freediving, we aim to remove privilege and focus on the healing aspects of the dive space. Because complex post traumatic stress is often linked with discrimination, bullying, relationship trauma, and exclusion and other dangerous situations, with this approach we seek neutrality and focus on skills, accessibility, and inclusion while emphasizing nervous system regulation.

Alternative Approaches and Language Suggestions

Avoid using commanding language (unless necessary). Instead, establish safety protocols early and often, so these issues don’t arise in the water. Here are some alternatives to common phrases:

• “What did you observe on the dive?”
• “What self-regulation skills do you use normally?”
• “How was that?”
• “Do you feel safe to continue?”
• “Can you tell me more about what’s happening in your body?”
• “Can you describe what you’re sensing—temperature, tightness, or something else?”
• “Can we try again?”

Other invitations might include:

• “You might explore…”
• “Give yourself permission to…”
• “Notice what you notice…”
• “When you feel ready…”
• “How can I help you feel safer?”
• “What does safety feel like in your body?”
• “I invite you to…”
• “See how it feels when…”
• “You might notice…”

Encouraging Play and Positive Experiences

Make space for play and release during a dive session. Introduce small challenges like walking on the line, creating bubble rings, finding something specific underwater, or a mini-depth and hang challenge (5m, 10m, etc.). You can also introduce games like rock-paper-scissors or photo challenges.

Invite both the student and yourself to look for the good in each session. Is there more than one way to mark the session as a success? Sometimes showing up is the best some folks can do that day. Stay tuned for self-regulation practices that help most folks find a metabolic steady state, or a metabolic state of calm while remaining safe.

Ethical Considerations

These are alternatives and a shift in perspective for inclusivity. Is every dive going to demand this level of work or effort? Probably not. Is it best to be prepared, just in case? I believe so. It might help that student who is more mobilized (anxious) to come back. If we focus on safety, everyone benefits. These are simply recommendations to help you feel supported during your journey whether you are a fellow freedive instructor or freediver.

Journal/Reflection

Reflecting on Safety and Inclusivity

1. Exploring Safety in the Dive Space:
2. What does safety mean to you in the context of freediving?
3. How do you ensure folks (including yourself) feel safe before, during, and after a dive?
4. List three things you currently do to create safety.
5. Are there additional steps you can take to reinforce this sense of safety
6. Noticing Safety in the Body:
7. Reflect on your last dive experience. Take a moment to scan your body now. How did your body feel before, during, and after the dive?
8. Was there any tension? If so, where?
9. What might this tension or sensation be communicating about your state of regulation or safety?
10. Ensuring Inclusivity:
11. Consider how privilege may show up in the dive space (e.g., financial access, body type, belief systems, previous experiences with trauma).
12. Are there any references or practices you use that might unintentionally exclude or alienate others?
13. What steps can you take to make your dive sessions more inclusive?